Kevin Park

Feeling like myself again.

I haven't been out in a LONGGGG time.

Actually I have, but not for fun.


Funny thing is, when I'm content, I have nothing to write about. Could it mean I'm not really happy but just have nothing depressing on my mind?

w.e pr0

___________
Nothing done today.
Wasting more time.

I'm going to do something.

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if words could describe emotions, i choose the random letters for today.

for me, they don't symbolize anger, sadness, whatever emo emotion.

they symbolize - WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

seriously, i need to get my butt in gear or somethin.

DOG......dog.

????¿¿¿¿

what to do......what to do........

ponder more kev, ponder more, it'll achieve something

right?

DAMN IT. NOT WORKING.

?????? why am i still awake

okay, i think i'm frustrated, i figured out that much

i wonder if i'm schizophrenic, even slightly.........i'm curious

Do I love? Am I in love?

HELL NO. NO I'M NOT.

then why the fuck am i so jumpy?

¿Que?

WHAT.

THE TIME OF COLLEGE HAS COME.

OH NOEZ. OH FUCKING NOEZ.

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO ABOUT IT.

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aFDLSMFLASFASLYQ@#LERGSFSMS LRF<BXC <BSDLK<T$RG<SMSDVCLF< ASLSDA ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I'LL FUCKING WORK. I'LL DO IT. I'LL FUCKING WORK FFS. sigh...I gotta do something.

I wonder who's going to read this. Not many I bet. Today has been a really rough day. I've been suffering a lot, I think I'm going nuts.

I think I appear to be happy on the outside. In reality, I'm yearning for help. And now, I learned something even worse. There is now a countdown for the life of another loved one.

It seems so unfair to me, and I feel guilty. I feel like as if I'm the cause of all the troubles. It doesn't feel fair. Why do people have to suffer because of me?

I hate influence. It's so dangerous. Even if I occasionally benefit from it, ultimately, it is so dangerous. It shapes the way people are. Why does influence have to exist? Why does there have to be bad influences? Why does life have to seem so tedious, that it can tip over to the wrong side at any second?

What I really want to know is, what can I do to change? How do I change for the better? How do I get the motivation to go on? People tell me to suck it up, but I can't - I fucking can't. Yes, that might be the wrong mindset, but, what if I don't want to change my mindset. Life is so unfair, I wish it would revolve around me for once in my life.

I want to be normal, I want to live life like a teenager. And now, I'm pressured to keep someone alive. Seriously, if I fail at that, I wouldn't know what to do with myself anymore.

I wish I can write something reflective so people can think about, but I can't. I wish I can protect my loved ones, but in reality, I can even protect myself. Who am I to give advice to others, I need the fucking advice. I'm confused, I don't know what I'm doing, there's no fucking "Step-by-Step" guide in life. It's so ambiguous, there's too much to do, there's too much not to do, it's fucking insane. Just thinking about all this is making me angry, noticing things that others say that it doesn't matter. How do people manage to be so happy all the time, I don't fucking get it. It's just wrong, it's completely wrong.

I know, I know, I don't have the worst life story in the world. But here, this is my story, this is my life, and that's what I'm focusing on. I really hope, that I won't regret the things that I have done or will be doing in the future. Someone told me that a good characteristic about me is that I don't give up. I certainly don't feel so, but if that's my current image, I have no intention of letting it go. Peace. Seriously.

Yea, sup. Kay, summary is, school got harder for 10th grade and more violin/piano playing for me. I've also saw Ryan (elem school freind). Yea. And an Austin who moved to Germany. Stuffs been happening...oh yeah, it was my mom's birthday 2 days ago....i made her a slideshow of pictures? Good stuff I suppose. Well, yea. Hope I do better in school or something. Heh, heard Crucible was boring..the play that our highschool did. I wonder if I will see these journal entries when I'm older..like 10 years from now or something. But then again, that's pretty old, almost 26? Scary. Yea, new crush maybe? Shes pretty cool, no strings attached, hm? Smart, athletic, or maybe just in my eyes. Hell, lets see how long it lasts, cause knowing me, Kevin Park, I don't think it'll last till the end of the school year. And like, Chae and Kayleigh were at regionals. GL to them. New violin teacher? Ricardo Cycynates. Anything else I left out? Whatever. Yea, Kay. Glue.


Oh yea, about the song. That's what me, Diana, Jen, Elise, and Mun are playing. Yea, we sound decent. Pretty cool, eh?

Right now, all I can think of today was being pwned by a middle schooler. I liked screwed myself over. I guess I'm not meant for trash talking unless like I'm really pissed or something, but even then, all I say is like, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT, or I DON'T WANNA SEE YOUR FUCKING FACE, or any phrases with the word Fuck in it. That's all I can do. ANYWAYS, I gotta finish my Precalc hw and look over some Chem before I take the test tomorrow. Didn't really practice the violin or piano today, so I guess today was pretty unsuccessful. Alright, cheers to anyone who reads this entry within the next two days (you would be obssessive).

Today was fairly boring. I had a violin lesson, church sermon, and shopping session and Costco, where there are mostly parents and goody goodies. I did see, however, some normal and cool people today (in terms of looks, they were complete strangers). Blah, school again in the morning and yeah, lots of stuff to do, eh? Alright, I'm out.

Well this is oficially the last the that I'm in Korea. Scusk's doesn't it? Oh well. I had a fun time here and met new people and learned more of the language so I'm satisfied. Well, it seems that I was a bad influence to some kids so far and I feel bad and guilty. I should fix it up. Well, everyone goes through that stage of life. Alright, I'll see you all later in the US. 안녕.

So there is only two days before I go back to USA. You know, that really sucks. I'm having a good time here and I gotta go back to do Summer School stuff. Oh wellz, eh? Haha, so my uncle's PC room is awesome, u know? People here are cool and I made new friends and met family members I never met before. It was neat meeting them, and I'm happy about my family. Music here is pretty neat as well. They all sing pretty well as well as dance. But so much of the music is emo.... So I kinda like it. And I'm talking to 상미 누나 right now. She's cool. Alright, I'll update this later. I'm out.

What the heck. Time really does fly by fast when you are having fun, especially in a foreign country. This is crazy and dumb. I want to stay here at least a week longer, but the stupid airport people said they are out of tickets. Oh well. Just gotta make the best of my time I suppose. Well, my uncle owns a PC방. That is pretty neat itself. Oh BTW, 방 = room for you white people. And now, I close this entry with a weird quote.

"About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends."
- Herbert Hoover

^cited from Google's quote of the day.

5 Days in Korea already, well three, the blasted plane took 2 days (literally). Well, I also cheered for the Reds (Korean soccer team) 2 days ago, in the stadium, staying up till 4 to watch the game and shouting my lungs out at the pre-cheer, singing with Bada, Eugene, Buzz, and etc. Seemed awesome, till the end. The Reds suck at soccer. 2-0 GG SWISS. Oh well, as long as I had a good time there, I guess it was worth it. I'm running on wireless free internet right now. 1 Megabyte per second. What the hell. Alright, I'm gone.

Well peoplez, here concludes my second day in Korea. School is finally over but I still feel busy like before. Nothing much has changed since back then I guess. Oh yeah, I played in Carnegie Hall in the past. This was a major step in my life I suppose but there isn't much that I can do. In Korea, this is one of the best moments in my life I suppose. Wow, I'm not used to the no auto-capitilization that isn't included in this notepad format. I'm also typing on this pretty neat 17-inch screen laptop. It even has a nVidia graphics card. Good stuff. Alright, I got to get ready to cheer for Korea in the World Cup thing. Rest up Kevin, rest up.

My schedule is killing me. So busy that I just wanna sit and cry. THIS IS HELL. If I ever get through this, I'm going to thank God a million times and more.

06/01/2006: School Concert
06/03/2006: NSO Fellowship Program Audition
06/03/2006: AYP Dress Rehearsal
06/04/2006: AYP Concert
06/08/2006: Science Project Due
06/10/2006: AYP Audition
06/11/2006: Finals Start
06/17/2006: Performance at Carnegie
06/20/2006: Last day of School

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Haven't updated this thing in ages, mainly because of my laziness. A lot has happened but there isn't much to say about it. But looking back, I'll sumarize what pretty much happened to me...
Friday: Went to Bible Study with friends right after school
Saturday: Practice, practice, practice
Sunday: Church
Monday: AYP
Tuesday: nothing
Yeah, that actually really seems fun. Haha, but yo peoplez, if you're bored, call me or something. It is more than likely that I am bored as well. Don't be afraid to call, I'm here. And uh, yeah, I should do my homework. Night yall.

I can't believe it, but pit orchestra is finally OVER. Wow, I'm so happy. Anyways, I feel sick and I really don't wanna go to school tomorrow, but I should, so I'll go to school. Hopefully something cool will happen. And for the people who are having problems right now or are sick, feel better, I'll pray for you all if that means anything to you all. Congratulations all members of Oliver, you are people are pretty good for the 1st year musical. Haha, alright. I have no clue to write about. This is for personal note.
<http://222.122.29.91/new2/english/main/board/board.php>
Good stuff.

[22:49] curly gurlie 55: update your livejournal
[22:49] curly gurlie 55: mention that you know the #1
[22:49] curly gurlie 55: comp sci female
[22:50] curly gurlie 55: internationally
[22:50] curly gurlie 55: and BOY IS SHE SMART =D

Good stuff indeed. Anyways, Kevin is tired because of SAT and competition. Kevin gets to play his little fiddle in NY. Cool stuff. Gratz Chae, you were awesome =).

Alright, seems like today I was an @#%@#^@^. Yeah, I appreciate it when people tell me I'm doing something wrong, I'll try to change right away.

---

Lots of questions have been raised about religion. So I decide I'll adress it using my viewpoint, no citing from other sources, just what I think, or what God might have put in my heart. You can say the last statement is BS, and it might be true. I may not even speak the right words, but I think, that although Christianity is corrupted in many ways, so is many other religions. No religion is perfect in every aspect that we would like it to be. Anyways, humans have messed around with the text which should not have been done, but regardless, knowing human nature, it was done. I believe there is a God up there that looks after me and everyone out there. I would like it if people would believe in Him. But in USA, I have no right to force you to change your religion, only to persuade you. I haven't tried to persuade anyone recently, mainly because it will only end up pissing someone off. This journal entry may end up pissing people off, but then again, it is my journal after all. I believe in Christianity, because it is the religion I grew up with and I believe, which I feel closest with God himself. Who knows, maybe the God of all the other religions are the same, just different interpretations, you know? But I like Christianity. I strongly urge people to be Christians, but it's ultimately your choice. Just, give it a try, you know? If you don't like it, I guess that's too bad. Try communicating with someone up there, that is what I would do. Anyways, the teachings behind religion aren't that bad. It teaches people a good lifestyle. Well, good in my opinion. We are civilized people, I hope, and we can bring ourselves closer to peace. Many of you people may think this is just the biggest brainwash in mankind, and I understand that. I still sometimes think that way, I can't lie. I still question religion, I still question God. This means I don't have much faith, but I try to find the answer. I should spend more quiet time with him, but my lame excuse is that I don't have enough time, which is complete lies. I'm not going to go completely in depth of this, but just to let you know my standpoint of my beliefs, I am Christian, and I am proud of it.

Ok basically, today was average. I saw them ladies play some tennis. They were pretty good, and they actually won a game, which is pretty good considering they are new and have no seniors. Good job team!

---

Bio is a painnnnn, it actually gives hw D:. Oh well. Nothing much to say, g2g.

Is it just me, or does life seem like going down in an endless spiral. Hah, that sounded so emo, that I took a break to eat some oranges. Fun.

Days fly by
without me knowing
what happens every second
while I'm alive

I don't know why
I can't understand
Can it be
that I don't know
what it is supposed to be

I'm sick of the words
I hear everyday
I know there is no end to
all of this

I can only hope
that life has in store
of what I am looking for
somewhere outside

The sun falls down
as I am left behind
in time's trail
for me to be all alone

I remember the good old days of elementary school.

I was an asshole.

I really was.

I was mean to many, many people.

Now they are pretty cool kids.

And I'm probably left out.

Okay, I really regret being such a jerk in elementary/middle school. Even now, I'm like that. I can't deny it. Really, I think I judge people by the cover. Oh well, what's done is done, and all I can say is sorry. =P. Okay, I wonder what's going to happen this week. All t3h juniors suffering APs. Good luck peoplez.